By Chad Adcock
Here’s the thing about expectations. Regardless of a person’s actions, they are not betraying you or doing something wrong to you, they are merely behaving differently than you expected. All feelings of disappointment come from one’s own expectations, not from the actions of others.
Every time you have ever felt disappointed is a result of your expectations being unmet. Our brains are tricky organs. We often project our values onto someone else but are then stunned when their actions align with their own values, instead of our projection. It is all too common to assume that others will make the same choices we do, think the same way that we do, and even care about the same things that we do.
However, every individual person acts on their own interests. They do not act based on your values. When someone does something that disappoints us, we feel a painful response of a personal affront. It feels to us like a rejection or a threat and causes us to question our own value and the relationship with this individual. The reality is that their behavior has nothing to do with you.
08/29/2025
So, what is the solution? It is not walling yourself from relationships with others. Rather, it is simply to have less expectations and work to become a better observer. The next time you feel disappointment, take a moment to evaluate the situation. Ask yourself, “Did this person intentionally harm me or did I just expect them to be something they never were?” This self-assessment tool can lead to separating what people do from what you wanted them to do