By Andy McNiel
Just thinking out loud here…about how we walk with others through challenging times. I have found that many of us who are struggling with loss, heartbreak, and inner turmoil quickly learn that other people’s toleration for our pain and suffering is often short lived. This can result in retreating, shoving our pain deep inside, and stopping outward displays of our inner turmoil. In essence, we stop talking about it, expressing it, or sharing it with others in fear we might be judged as weak, or stuck, or an inconvenience. We find ourselves walking through it all alone, even though we may have pills, advice, and ideas to try. We have no one with whom to walk with in the dark places.
As a society, we seem to highly value quick solutions. Modern technological conveniences have created a world for many of us where we spend much less time waiting. And, if we do have to wait, well, it can create a reaction in people ranging from intense mental and emotional strain to outward displays of anger and even rage. As a result, we have become less patient with one another, less tolerant of situations that take longer than we would like and addicted to quick fixes and short-term solutions.
08/27/2025
Many people in our modern world find themselves feeling isolated, misunderstood, depressed and though they have all sorts of solutions, walking around alone in the light. Yes, in the “light” alone, not the dark. Because of our need to have a quick fix, we have a pill for everything, and answers that quickly shed light on the steps we need to take to efficiently move beyond whatever challenge we are facing. The reality, though, is that many of life’s challenges are not short-term, minor disruptions. Many of life’s challenges are major disruptions that take much more time to navigate, adapt and find our footing than we, or others, would like.
Helen Keller is credited with the quote, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” Let’s consider for a moment that pills, advice, treatment plans or the solutions we provide to others when they are struggling are missing one important existential ingredient – and that is community. It doesn’t matter how many solutions we hand to people or how quickly we think people should “get over” their struggle. Adapting to life’s challenges and difficulties takes time, often more time than we might want to give. Have you ever been sitting in a dark room and someone abruptly turns on a light? It is an unpleasant experience and can be disorienting, even painful.
So, I wonder what difference it would make if we could find the patience, grace and endurance to walk with a friend in the dark rather than our need to quickly “turn on the light.” Many modern religions and psychology philosophies have resorted to pushing quick answers. We assume the answers are the same for everyone and we invade people’s homes, turning on every light, and congratulating ourselves when we do. Meanwhile, people in this modern world feel alone, isolated and misunderstood. This is indicated by overwhelming increases in depression and anxiety and a decrease in overall life satisfaction among people.
When is the last time you asked a friend how they are doing and gave them the time to really tell you? What if you took the time to really hear them? Or when is the last time someone did that for you? I wonder what would happen in our world if we slowed down, stopped turning on so many lights, and instead of giving answers, we simply walked with people as they pondered their own answers. There certainly is nothing wrong with good information, great insights, inspirational ideas, treatment plans and existential truths. But these things cannot be prescribed apart from community. What a gift to give to another person…to walk together in the dark, watch as the sun slowly rises, and keep walking together as the light illuminates the world around us. Together, in the dark and in the light. Oh, my friend, I need that, how about you?